I actually went to karaoke night at a local bar recently. I must mention that, in the past, I have had a slight aversion to karaoke, in much the same way you might have an aversion to being stabbed in the chest with a bayonet. It's not that I hate karaoke, it's more of an intense and passionate dislike.
But, on this night, I was invited to this event by some very sympathetic comedy friends. These three comedians were the only comics from a large group of local comedians that I invited to my place for a movie who actually bothered to reply. And, because they already had plans, they were generous enough to invite me to join them! Thanks guys!
So, I decided to take them up on their offer. Even if I didn't exactly care for karaoke, I put that aside in the name of friendship, a friendship made stronger by their concern and sympathy for my plight. They didn't want me to sit home alone, depressed that nobody wanted to watch a movie with me. (For those that never responded, it's too bad, as I happen to have what is techically referred to as a "kickass" home theater setup. Phhhbbblllttt!)
So, I headed out to Sunnyvale for some karaoke! After all, how bad could this particular karaoke night be, if these three smart and funny gentlemen attended on a weekly basis? In fact, perhaps my whole opinion of karaoke was misplaced, and it would turn out to be great fun. I've got to lose these long-held, close-minded opinions, and loosen up a little. It's karaoke night!!!
Well...I walked in, and after only 5 minutes, I knew! Yep. I was totally wrong about karaoke! That is, I was wrong that I thought it could be fun. Yes. Karaoke still stinks like a big pot of boiling feet.
For those of you who do not share my lack of enthusiasm for this activity, or even, due to some sort of accident involving massive head trauma, actually enjoy it, I must share with you a little history of karaoke, so as to set you "scared straight". I might add that I am somewhat of a Japanophile. (Well, I think Asian girls are attractive, anyway.)
The word karaoke is actually two words in Japanese: Kara, meaning "empty", and Oke, meaning "talent". It was originally invented in the 1930's to use as a method of torture against captured Chinese prisoners. Karaoke, as you are no doubt aware, is still practiced in Japan today. But, only as required by law, due to its inclusion in the stipulations of Japan's unconditional surrender to the United States, as punishment for atrocoties they commited during the war.
Of course, this begs the question, why do Americans engage in karaoke, when it is not required by law in the U.S.? One of my theories is that Americans do it because of guilt. They feel guilty for Global Warming, American Idol, George W. Bush, etc, and wish to punish themselves. My alternative theory is that people are idiots.
After much thought and careful consideration, I will go with the latter theory.
Land of the Rising Son-in-Law
Well..Here I am in Japan again. I've made my yearly pilgrimage to visit the in-raws. They're so patient with me. I've been coming here regularly for 6 years. I've been with their precious Yukiko for 10. Yet, I still only speak about 3 words in Japanese, and understand maybe...on a good day...none.
But, despite my "Ugly American" attitude of refusing to learn the native language, I really love Japan. I hope to retire here someday. Or, perhaps make enough Yen to keep a second home here.
Of course, I will make a valiant attempt to learn the language before attempting to actually live here. And, of course, I will fail miserably, and have to resort to speaking English slowly, loudly, and with exagerated hand gestures to find out where the men's room is.
I will now attempt to list the things I love so much about Japan:
1. The food! There are Japanese restaurants everywhere! (They just call them restaurants, though.) I remember the number of restaurants in my home town of NYC was supposedly 15,000. Shit. There must be at least 15,000 restaurants at the JR train station in Tokyo alone. (How do these people stay so thin? They are consumed with eating. Pardon the pun.)
2. The service. It is such a nice change of pace to encounter employees who will actually help you. Shit. It's just a pleasure to be able to find employees...period! Remember your last trip to Home Depot? They don't even have cashiers there anymore. You have to scan and bag your own shit! Not here. They bend over backwards to make sure you get what you need. In restaurants, bars, supermarkets, home centers, everywhere! And...no tipping!!! They just do a good job because that is what they get paid to do! Imagine that?
3. Public transportation. You can get to anywhere from anywhere, quickly and affordably. And, they are always on time. Always. Cars are not a necessity. Plus, you'll end up doing some walking. Which, will keep your heart and lungs healthy, and perhaps help you control your weight a little better. (Just keep walking past the bazillion gajillion little pastry shops. Don't stop. I'm begging you. Not another eclair. Noooooooo.)
4. The history. Despite it's abundance of modern technology, Western fashion, and hideous modern architecture, there is an abundance of historical shrines, temples and castles: traditional styles of dress and dining; and peaceful gardens and parks that will transport you back in time to the land of the Samurai and the geisha. It really is quite amazing to walk the hallway of a castle on the same floorboards once trod upon by a shogun or emperor. Absolutely fucking amazing.
5. The technology. You all know about the TV's and DVD players. But, it is beyond that. For instance: Their cell phones work everywhere. EVERYWHERE. In elevators. On the subway. It don't fucking matter. Their automotive navigation systems not only map out your route, they show you the level the traffic congestion. The toilet seats wash your ass for you! Some even dry it and deodorize it too. My ass fucking sparkles! You could eat off my ass.
6. The women. Shiny black hair. Dark brown, almond-shaped eyes. Not to mention the high school girls in those little sailors uniforms with those baggy white socks. (Ummmm. Yeah. I'll be back in a minute.)
OK. I'm back. That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna take a walk over to the pastry shop. There's one next to a girl's high school near here.
But, despite my "Ugly American" attitude of refusing to learn the native language, I really love Japan. I hope to retire here someday. Or, perhaps make enough Yen to keep a second home here.
Of course, I will make a valiant attempt to learn the language before attempting to actually live here. And, of course, I will fail miserably, and have to resort to speaking English slowly, loudly, and with exagerated hand gestures to find out where the men's room is.
I will now attempt to list the things I love so much about Japan:
1. The food! There are Japanese restaurants everywhere! (They just call them restaurants, though.) I remember the number of restaurants in my home town of NYC was supposedly 15,000. Shit. There must be at least 15,000 restaurants at the JR train station in Tokyo alone. (How do these people stay so thin? They are consumed with eating. Pardon the pun.)
2. The service. It is such a nice change of pace to encounter employees who will actually help you. Shit. It's just a pleasure to be able to find employees...period! Remember your last trip to Home Depot? They don't even have cashiers there anymore. You have to scan and bag your own shit! Not here. They bend over backwards to make sure you get what you need. In restaurants, bars, supermarkets, home centers, everywhere! And...no tipping!!! They just do a good job because that is what they get paid to do! Imagine that?
3. Public transportation. You can get to anywhere from anywhere, quickly and affordably. And, they are always on time. Always. Cars are not a necessity. Plus, you'll end up doing some walking. Which, will keep your heart and lungs healthy, and perhaps help you control your weight a little better. (Just keep walking past the bazillion gajillion little pastry shops. Don't stop. I'm begging you. Not another eclair. Noooooooo.)
4. The history. Despite it's abundance of modern technology, Western fashion, and hideous modern architecture, there is an abundance of historical shrines, temples and castles: traditional styles of dress and dining; and peaceful gardens and parks that will transport you back in time to the land of the Samurai and the geisha. It really is quite amazing to walk the hallway of a castle on the same floorboards once trod upon by a shogun or emperor. Absolutely fucking amazing.
5. The technology. You all know about the TV's and DVD players. But, it is beyond that. For instance: Their cell phones work everywhere. EVERYWHERE. In elevators. On the subway. It don't fucking matter. Their automotive navigation systems not only map out your route, they show you the level the traffic congestion. The toilet seats wash your ass for you! Some even dry it and deodorize it too. My ass fucking sparkles! You could eat off my ass.
6. The women. Shiny black hair. Dark brown, almond-shaped eyes. Not to mention the high school girls in those little sailors uniforms with those baggy white socks. (Ummmm. Yeah. I'll be back in a minute.)
OK. I'm back. That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna take a walk over to the pastry shop. There's one next to a girl's high school near here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)