Well..Here I am in Japan again. I've made my yearly pilgrimage to visit the in-raws. They're so patient with me. I've been coming here regularly for 6 years. I've been with their precious Yukiko for 10. Yet, I still only speak about 3 words in Japanese, and understand maybe...on a good day...none.
But, despite my "Ugly American" attitude of refusing to learn the native language, I really love Japan. I hope to retire here someday. Or, perhaps make enough Yen to keep a second home here.
Of course, I will make a valiant attempt to learn the language before attempting to actually live here. And, of course, I will fail miserably, and have to resort to speaking English slowly, loudly, and with exagerated hand gestures to find out where the men's room is.
I will now attempt to list the things I love so much about Japan:
1. The food! There are Japanese restaurants everywhere! (They just call them restaurants, though.) I remember the number of restaurants in my home town of NYC was supposedly 15,000. Shit. There must be at least 15,000 restaurants at the JR train station in Tokyo alone. (How do these people stay so thin? They are consumed with eating. Pardon the pun.)
2. The service. It is such a nice change of pace to encounter employees who will actually help you. Shit. It's just a pleasure to be able to find employees...period! Remember your last trip to Home Depot? They don't even have cashiers there anymore. You have to scan and bag your own shit! Not here. They bend over backwards to make sure you get what you need. In restaurants, bars, supermarkets, home centers, everywhere! And...no tipping!!! They just do a good job because that is what they get paid to do! Imagine that?
3. Public transportation. You can get to anywhere from anywhere, quickly and affordably. And, they are always on time. Always. Cars are not a necessity. Plus, you'll end up doing some walking. Which, will keep your heart and lungs healthy, and perhaps help you control your weight a little better. (Just keep walking past the bazillion gajillion little pastry shops. Don't stop. I'm begging you. Not another eclair. Noooooooo.)
4. The history. Despite it's abundance of modern technology, Western fashion, and hideous modern architecture, there is an abundance of historical shrines, temples and castles: traditional styles of dress and dining; and peaceful gardens and parks that will transport you back in time to the land of the Samurai and the geisha. It really is quite amazing to walk the hallway of a castle on the same floorboards once trod upon by a shogun or emperor. Absolutely fucking amazing.
5. The technology. You all know about the TV's and DVD players. But, it is beyond that. For instance: Their cell phones work everywhere. EVERYWHERE. In elevators. On the subway. It don't fucking matter. Their automotive navigation systems not only map out your route, they show you the level the traffic congestion. The toilet seats wash your ass for you! Some even dry it and deodorize it too. My ass fucking sparkles! You could eat off my ass.
6. The women. Shiny black hair. Dark brown, almond-shaped eyes. Not to mention the high school girls in those little sailors uniforms with those baggy white socks. (Ummmm. Yeah. I'll be back in a minute.)
OK. I'm back. That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna take a walk over to the pastry shop. There's one next to a girl's high school near here.
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